For every good day I have,
....there are nights like this.
Nights when I'm just wide awake...with thoughts racing through my head about things that I just can't let go.
No matter how hard I try, or how much time goes by....my mind just keeps racing.
I'd love to let go, completely, and just....Be.
The problem is that I let him in soooo deeply, that being just doesn't feel like being anymore. I'm just on the surface...going through the motions of everyday life, because the truth is, I don't enjoy anything anymore. I wish I could just snap my fingers and rid myself of all the memories. The promises. The dreams. The touches. The kisses..... But alas, they're still here...invading every breath I take, to the point where it literally hurts to breathe. Panic attack?
I haven't felt this way in awhile.
I was slowly re-building the wall that he demolished,
Because I can't go on feeling this way.
At least not in public.
I'm a woman.
We're supposed to be strong.
But I feel like a weak, scared child.
How is it so easy for you to walk away?
From the past...from the future.
I just don't understand.
I'm one of those people who's pretty good at seeing things from another's perspective....
I just can't grasp the concept of turning one's life upside down in the blink of an eye, and just leaving.
I can't look at a picture,
a stuffed animal,
a letter...without remembering what was, and mourning what could have been....
I can't look in the mirror without wondering what was so wrong with me,
That you decided to simply leave.
I feel like a fragment.
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