It’s gon’ always be haters, that’s the way it is; Hater ninjas marry hater b*tches and have hater kids…
Kanye said it best.
I was in class the other night, conversing with two female classmates about relationships, men, etc. (I don’t even remember how we got on the subject). So anyway, after a comment was made about the birth control shot, I replied that I don’t get laid enough to go through my extreme fear of needles the trouble of getting on “the shot” lol. I mean, honestly! So the girl who initially brought up the comment was like “What you mean you don’t get laid enough?” and my response (which has become like an automated response whenever relationships are being discussed) was that my boyfriend goes to school in Iowa, so we don’t see each other too often for the time being.
This is where the animosity began to brew: her response was, “Oh, psshhhh, girl please. You might not be getting any, but he’s getting some from somewhere. Iowa?? Yeah, girl, he’s getting some.”
Now first of all, I’ve heard similar responses many times before. From family. From my friends. From my boyfriend’s friends….we’ve been hearing it ever since we were crazy enough to embark on this long-distance journey, so this classmate’s response was nothing new to my ears. However, then said classmate begins to probe and nitpick the BS reasons she KNOWS my boyfriend is getting some. (Without even knowing anything about him, by the way. All I’ve said at this point is that he attends school in Iowa.) I don’t need to detail her bullet points, because of course she gave the typical response of a person who 1) doesn’t trust men since she ain’t got one and can’t keep one has been scorned, and 2) thinks that anyone who does trust men is pretty much stupid and naïve.
As I said, I’ve dealt with this situation enough to learn that arguing with people like this won’t help matters, and neither will trying to justify my relationship. So I didn’t. I just brushed her comments off and went along with the rest of the conversation.
My only consolation is that many of the people who have said things like this to my boyfriend and I are the same people who have been in and out of numerous unsuccessful, unhealthy relationships (complete with babies, abortions, STDs, babymamadrama, cheating, theft, Jazmine Sullivan-isms, etc) while my man and I have stayed healthy, communicative, faithful, and strong. For the last three years. Straight. No breaks in between. No "we need some time apart to find ourselves" moments. None of that. We aren't perfect, and it gets hard, but we're not candidates for the Maury or Jerry Springer shows, either. Thank God.
Basically, I’ve adapted an “I can show you better than I can tell you” attitude. People are always going to try to generalize and analyze what others are doing. A person who was not completely trustful of her significant other or secure in their relationship would let these things get to them. So today, I am thankful for foundation. The kind that is built before any inklings of romance become apparent. The kind that develops a trust that lasts hundreds of miles apart, when some couples can't trust one another from 2 feet away. Without foundation, I’d be letting the cycle continue. I’d be one of those girls who lets other peoples’ input in her relationship dictate thoughts and suspicions towards her significant other, which would more than likely cause me to treat my SO like he’s done something even when there’s no proof of anything, just the judgment and analysis of other people who, quite frankly, don’t know what the f*ck they’re talking about since they are incompetent at handling a relationship of their own, much less that of someone else.


  1. That's mad rude of her. this ain't got nothing to do with her. She just talk about you behind your back like a normal person. LOL I also am in a long distance relationship, and we have nothing but trust for each other. Its not really that hard. If you have integrity, there's nothing to worry about.

  2. You're right... personally, the only thing I used to find hard about my relationship was having to defend it to people like her. Now that I'm past that phase, everything else is cake. If anything, it's easier because we're both in school, and are able to focus on what we're here for instead of being laid up under each other like so many of the couples I've seen here...Besides, if it's worth it, why not work for it?



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