I’m usually wary of giving relationship advice, simply because
1) I’m not a part of that person’s relationship. I don’t know the connection or the emotions, or all the other aspects that are involved in that relationship. I’m just one person, that’s probably been given one side of a story. Who am I to judge? and
2) I truly believe that many people know inside what decisions should be made regarding their relationships, before they even seek out another person’s advice. Maybe it’s our need for validation…
Relationships are so multi-dimensional, that generic advice columns, magazine quizzes, and martini-night table talk don’t always get down to the nitty gritty of solving one’s problems. How can you determine the course of your relationship by reading or listening to everyone else?? A lot of the time, you can get the answers you need from the very person you’re seeking information about: your significant other. You may not get the answer you like, but I’d rather get the painful truth from my S.O. than some co-signing speculations from everywhere else.
When I do give advice, I usually have to give some sort of disclaimer, because some situations are just story-book foolishness, and you have to verbally slap some sense into those who are seeking your guidance lol. I’ve literally experienced a girl figuring out her foolishness right as she was reciting it to me! Like, she had an epiphany right in front of me! Lol…sometimes that’s all it takes is hearing the BS spoken out loud, to make you realize that it stinks. My disclaimer usually consists of “You might not want to hear this, but…“. Some people don’t want to hear your true reaction. Like I’ve said, people like validation. I once had a person flip the script on me, after I voiced my opinion that her boyfriend was CLEARLY cheating on her. All the signs were there, and sure enough (after ceasing our friendship, and staying with her boyfriend), she got to play step-mommy to the child her boyfriend brought home, even though she’d been in a relationship with him for over 2 years. Funny how that math doesn’t add up to him being faithful…
Anyway, after I’d told this girl what I thought of her situation, she flips things around and says “You’re doing that long-distance shit. Your man in probably cheating on you right now!”…this is when I had to let her have it. There are 2 whole states separating my man and me, and I still have more trust and faith in our relationship than couples I know who practically live together, they see each other so often. I’ve never questioned his fidelity. What does that tell you? Distance doesn’t dominate a relationship. If that were the case, how would we explain married men and women who cheat on one another? They’re (usually) sharing a home, and sometimes even finances. Yet, a person finds the time, the opportunity, and the space to cheat. Cheating is not discernable to long-distance or close-proximity relationships. Cheating is perpetrated by people who have a motive, opportunity, and/or means to cheat. Period. Why be in a relationship if the parties don’t trust one another? What’s the point? I’m not down for the whole phone-scrolling, email-hacking, cell phone bill-intercepting drama. I don’t have time. In the time it takes to play Private Eye, I could be actually honing my relationship with my S.O. so that these measures don’t have to be taken. Better yet, if I had to do all that, I’d be reevaluating whether I wanted to salvage that relationship in the first place.
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