Black Girls Lost...♥

"You can't find a man until you find yourself." --Common.
Why do so many females believe that their happiness begins and ends with a boy/man? Is this a gender thing? A race thing? A society thing? I can only speak on what I've seen.
When I left home and moved here to attend college, I realized a lot of things, among them:
1) Most college boys are even more disgusting than I was warned.
2) Everyone feels like they have something to prove.
3) A lot of girls are sluts.
I began to observe my surroundings more because I was away from home, in a new environment, and out on my own. Everyone seemed to be trying to live up to this persona, but really so many people were concerned with putting up fronts, and watching others’ fronts, that they aren’t even enrolled past their first semester. Girls act the way they act to get guys’ attention, and the guys act like they’re 'too cool' to impress their guy friends, even though they love the female attention…just personas and foolishness that they hopefully grow out of at some point in life. I think people believe they can get away with more on a college campus, because there are so many people (as opposed to a high school environment) that maybe they won’t have to worry about everyone knowing their business. WRONG. In college, everyone knows someone who knows someone who…you get the idea. People have big mouths. The things you see and hear about on college campuses, in dorms, nightclubs, etc. are a little shocking to sheltered kids like myself, but after the shock comes the "what the hell" factor. I was standing on campus waiting for class to start a couple weeks ago and out of nowhere, two guys nearby began talking and laughing about a train they ran on a girl in one of the dorms the night before. Didn’t censor anything…This alleged train included the two guys, another friend, and one of the guys’ brother. WHAT the HELL???
What makes these girls act the way they do? It’s not even necessarily ugly girls who act a fool when they get a little male attention. And promiscuity isn’t the main thing I’m directing this towards, it’s more of a consequence of the bigger problem: females’ need for validation. Half the things these girls wear, do, and say are CLEARLY seeking out validation from their male peers. Why? Are they searching for love and affection? Acknowledgement? Attention? Or is it simply acceptable to conduct yourself like this, just because you're "in college, and this is supposed to be the best time of your life"?
I just feel lucky to be one of the women who realizes a man’s validation does not make or break me. I love it when my boyfriend says sweet things, and compliments me on my beauty (inside and out), but I recognize that whether he voices those things or not, they still exist. I’m still beautiful inside and out, regardless of someone verbally telling me that I am. My beauty was there long before my boyfriend came along, and if ever God feels like removing him from my life, my beauty will still be here. I wish all women could feel this way, because I also know how it felt at the other end of the spectrum, not believing in your own beauty. Luckily, with God and a great family, I learned. I’m a better, confident, self-motivating and self-indulgent person today because of it. I believe that this is instrumental in my friendships, my relationship, and my general interaction with people on a regular basis. My boyfriend respects me, mentally, physically, AND emotionally. My friends (the real ones who’ve outlasted the fake ones that I’ve weeded through) respect me. My family adores me. I don’t know what people have to say about me behind my back. Nor do I care. Honestly. I just know that my attitude and my aura command nothing less than respect. No one has the power to make me feel less than spectacular. My mama taught me better than that. And I’ll teach my children the same.


  1. i agree with you. one must first be whole before adding someone into the equation. no man will ever 'complete' me b/c i am already complete, but he can enhance and compliment me and vice versa.

    great post

  2. Thank you, and yes...I think that two people in a relationship should bring out the best in one another, but if you don't already have love for you then how will someone else? And how will you be able to recognize it when someone does??

  3. ...but I recognize that whether he voices those things or not, they still exist...

    I. LOVE. THIS. If only we as women could remember this ALL the time. Great post. B.

  4. THanks so much! And if we could all remember this...and teach it to the generations to come...we'd REALLY be a force to be reckoned with!



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