Cha Ching, Mommy! ♥


What is going on with these spoiled ass kids today??? When did toddlers become high maintenance??? Lol!
I’m watching Divorce Court yesterday, and the couple consisted of a woman who CLEARLY had gold-digger tendencies, and a guy who apparently bought her love in the first place. The guy, nevertheless, seemed to be a good man and a great father to their 4-year old daughter and even younger son.
The wife was just a hot-ass mess altogether, and just when I thought I was too done with her, she opened her mouth and revealed that 1) her 4-year old daughter had a cell phone {insert side eye} and 2) aforementioned daughter wanted a credit card. Something is really wrong when your child even knows what a credit card is before they’ve even hit kindergarten. I’m still afraid of credit cards and I’m a senior in college! Oh, but don’t worry… Mommy promised toddler that she couldn’t have the credit card until she turned FIVE! Smh…
What are people teaching their daughters these days? I won’t even get on the sons, that’s a whole ’nother blog. But as women, why don’t people realize that everything you do, your daughters will absorb and store in their memories. Whether they want to or not. All the things you think kids don’t pay attention to, or won’t remember…think about the things you remember from your own childhood. You were pretty young, weren’t you? So why is it hard to believe that you’re presenting your daughters with the first script they’ll ever read as to how to conduct themselves as ladies? We have got to do better…
I have a cousin who is 5 years younger than me, and was the sweetest thing you could have ever met. Until her father re-entered the picture and began to spoil her rotten. She’s still got a hint of the sweetness, but now she’s 16, has had her own car for over a year (minus the license), will not wear anything that isn’t designer, and is currently driving her father’s Range Rover. In the last couple years, she’s become one of “those” girls. You went to high school…you know what I mean. What’s wrong with this pic?
What values are your daughters learning when credit cards and shopping sprees replace quality time and family activities? My only hope for my cousin is that she doesn’t grow up as the type of woman who believes she’s not supposed to work for anything, and who will only be with a man for the material things he can provide, forgetting about the love and affection that should come with any relationship.
x0x0♥

Can You, like, Die Already?♥

To Whom it May Concern:
Can we PLEASE have a funeral for the word 'Swagg'? It's been in a comatose stage for quite some time now, and I'd love it if we could just pull that plug. I mean, auto-tune died. Who's gonna do the honors for Swagg? I'm sure we can find some willing party to assist. I'll give the eulogy myself.
Respectfully Yours,
x0x0♥

Who Are You? ♥

How often do people do things for themselves?
I’ve noticed that so many people do so many things to satisfy/attract/out-do others…
But how many people do things just for the satisfaction of doing it?
We get dolled up, dressed up…to impress others.
Not saying we should start bumming it out…
But when I get up and fabulosify myself each day, I have fun with it.
I have a process, filled with music, dancing in the mirror, sweet-scented shower gel and perfumes…
All to make ME feel good.
The music I blast in my car, or from my iPod are sounds that make ME feel good.
Not what Terrence and Rocsi tell me I should listen to. {Shout-out to AJ & Free, tho!}
I just see so much frontin’, so much fakeness…
Why can’t you just be YOU?
I think the world (or at least my world) would be so much more intriguing if people would just…be.
Who are we trying to impress?
And what makes us so impressed with certain things?
Ignorance and lack of ambition does not impress me.
Bad manners and misogyny do not impress me.
Squandering tuition money to drool on classroom desks does not impress me.
Rocking the latest urban gear does not impress me.
Having thee most exclusive weave and rocking plastic jewelry do not impress me.
Emulating what you see on the tube does not impress me.
Do people even know who they are anymore, or is it just a matter of who they try to portray?
Once we get rid of all that extra, what‘s left?
What are the makings of you?
x0x0♥

Sounds of MY Blackness...♥

I’m Black.
I take issue with people who think that’s a problem.
I also take issue with people who do dumb shit, and expect me to condone/approve/sympathize because we share ethnicities…
“My brotha, my sistah”…
I don’t mean to be a bitch, but I have one biological sibling. He’s fourteen.
And even he has sense enough not to do some of the things I’ve seen people my age (21) doing.
I’m Black.
Don’t expect me to sympathize with your struggle…
UNLESS you’re doing something to change it.
As I am…
I’m Black.
Don’t think this gives you the green light to treat me like another bitch, hoe, hoodrat. trollop, skeezer, etc.
I am not.
I’m Black.
Don’t expect me to sit in the back of class with you,
And ignore the $7,000+ per year that is being paid for my education.
I’d rather be Black and educated than Black and ignorant.
My struggle is already hard enough and.
Though it may be beautiful…
I’m Black.
And I have enough on my plate without putting up with your shit, too.
Don’t expect me to be the one…
Even though we’re Black.
x0x0♥

Random Lyrics i Love♥

“Shorty paint her face like a clown, but can’t take away the frown found under the makeup.
I asked her what’s her passion, answer was the paper; she sleepin’, they don’t want her to wake up.
Maybe then she realized her own beauty, baby you’re a star, not just the star of some dude’s home movies…”
---Talib Kweli; "Soon the New Day"
x0x0♥

Coming from Where I'm From...♥

Is it bad that I don't like going to my hometown? Like, ever? Home is definitely not where my heart is.
I love seeing my family, and my best friends...but that's the extent of my warmth and fuzziness. Every time I go "home", I feel gloomy and closed in, and just surrounded by do-nothing people doing...nothing. I don't know if it's me being older and developing my own way of seeing (like really seeing) things, or the fact that I, unlike many people in the 'hood have been around to some other places since I left home for college. Either way, I just don't see how someone could spend their entire life in one place and have no desire, no motivation to upgrade. I'm a product of my family and their morals and values...but I'm not a product of my environment by any means. I have no desire to return to that place. Especially not permanently. On some level, I recognize that in it's own way, your neighborhood contributes to who you become. Whether that contribution is positive or negative, there is some influence from the place you spent most, if not all, of your childhood...but that's the extent of my appreciation. I get crap for this all the time, but that doesn't mean I'm going to change my mind. Call it what you want, but I don't see any problem with wanting more...

x0x0♥

How Can They Talk About our Love?♥

I’m usually wary of giving relationship advice, simply because
1) I’m not a part of that person’s relationship. I don’t know the connection or the emotions, or all the other aspects that are involved in that relationship. I’m just one person, that’s probably been given one side of a story. Who am I to judge? and
2) I truly believe that many people know inside what decisions should be made regarding their relationships, before they even seek out another person’s advice. Maybe it’s our need for validation…
Relationships are so multi-dimensional, that generic advice columns, magazine quizzes, and martini-night table talk don’t always get down to the nitty gritty of solving one’s problems. How can you determine the course of your relationship by reading or listening to everyone else?? A lot of the time, you can get the answers you need from the very person you’re seeking information about: your significant other. You may not get the answer you like, but I’d rather get the painful truth from my S.O. than some co-signing speculations from everywhere else.
When I do give advice, I usually have to give some sort of disclaimer, because some situations are just story-book foolishness, and you have to verbally slap some sense into those who are seeking your guidance lol. I’ve literally experienced a girl figuring out her foolishness right as she was reciting it to me! Like, she had an epiphany right in front of me! Lol…sometimes that’s all it takes is hearing the BS spoken out loud, to make you realize that it stinks. My disclaimer usually consists of “You might not want to hear this, but…“. Some people don’t want to hear your true reaction. Like I’ve said, people like validation. I once had a person flip the script on me, after I voiced my opinion that her boyfriend was CLEARLY cheating on her. All the signs were there, and sure enough (after ceasing our friendship, and staying with her boyfriend), she got to play step-mommy to the child her boyfriend brought home, even though she’d been in a relationship with him for over 2 years. Funny how that math doesn’t add up to him being faithful…
Anyway, after I’d told this girl what I thought of her situation, she flips things around and says “You’re doing that long-distance shit. Your man in probably cheating on you right now!”…this is when I had to let her have it. There are 2 whole states separating my man and me, and I still have more trust and faith in our relationship than couples I know who practically live together, they see each other so often. I’ve never questioned his fidelity. What does that tell you? Distance doesn’t dominate a relationship. If that were the case, how would we explain married men and women who cheat on one another? They’re (usually) sharing a home, and sometimes even finances. Yet, a person finds the time, the opportunity, and the space to cheat. Cheating is not discernable to long-distance or close-proximity relationships. Cheating is perpetrated by people who have a motive, opportunity, and/or means to cheat. Period. Why be in a relationship if the parties don’t trust one another? What’s the point? I’m not down for the whole phone-scrolling, email-hacking, cell phone bill-intercepting drama. I don’t have time. In the time it takes to play Private Eye, I could be actually honing my relationship with my S.O. so that these measures don’t have to be taken. Better yet, if I had to do all that, I’d be reevaluating whether I wanted to salvage that relationship in the first place.
x0x0♥

Know Your Role!♥

“You’re married??? When the hell were you gonna tell me, Dante???“
“You never asked, Keisha. D*mn!”
I can’t count how many times I’ve heard females talking about how they dated a guy for oh-so-long, only to have it abruptly end with a late-night shootout phone call from his wife, his baby-mama, his MAN, etc, etc. Thankfully, I haven’t gone through this ordeal, but I mean honestly, I’m perplexed. One of the main stereotypes of women is that we’re nosy, and we always want to know every damn thing lol. So why is it that when our men are involved, we don’t check our facts? Or better yet, half the time we don’t even ask the things we want/need to know…
I understand that there are men who are just super slick with it, but how can you go on for months, years even, playing girlfriend-boyfriend with a man, only to find out he’s married? Or that he’s living with the mother of his 8 kids, and that they have twins on the way? Did the question of ‘marital status’ not come up on any of the dates, or in any of the conversations subsequent to the exchange of phone numbers? Aren’t there signs? What about the woman whose man you’re dating lol? Where is she when he’s with you? Who’s home is he spending the night at every night? If it’s yours, I seriously question the authenticity of his marriage. If it’s hers, I’d be inclined to say that you should consider yourself single, and run for the hills…
I don’t think that asking a person’s relationship status (past AND present) is too much to ask in the process of getting to know them. I mean, as much as people lie these days, am I supposed to just assume that you're single?? As if that stops men from hitting on women lmao...If I can’t ask a man about his relationship status without backlash, I know he isn’t for me. Clearly, there’s some unfinished business he needs to take care of. If nothing else, this is a subject that needs to be discussed PRIOR TO embarking on a relationship of any sort with this person…whether you’re both just in it for the horizontal polka, or one of you is looking to hit the snooze button on that biological clock…some things just need to be openly discussed.
I use the term “openly” discussed, because a lot of relationships crumble due to lies by omission. Some of us think that a lie is a lie, is a lie, is a lie…but there are some who believe in the adage “What they don’t know won’t hurt them”. I’ve learned that many men will lie/withhold information until you dig it out of them. They get away with as much as they are allowed to get away with. This goes for some women, too. (lest I be considered sexist lol)
My bottom line: Ask direct questions. You should get direct answers. You DO have the right to this information, and any man requesting your time and goodies company should be willing to give the info to you. If he evades the truth, or blatantly stalls before responding…reevaluate your sham of a relationship. If he directly answers, listen to him. If his answer is in your favor, at least now things are clear. If his answer involves a gang of neck-poppin, beretta-toting baby mamas, and an even bigger gang of kids…run for them hills, baby!
x0x0♥

There's Some ____ in this House...♥


One of my biggest issues with men lies in the fact that, for the most part, when men settle down, they want it to be with a woman who’s been ‘around the block’ as little as possible. This is understandable, as I’d hate to be a guy walking through the grocery store or the mall with his woman, wondering why every male within a 10-mile radius is giving him that ‘look’. You know, the look that says “Oh, you wifed that hoe? Dang, homie…”. Then again, I’d hate to be the woman having to give all these men the “I know I let you hit, but please don’t blow up my spot” look. Smh...
I’m all about equal opportunity criticism. When guys say all females are hoes and sluts, my initial thought is “Well who made her that way?”. I mean, one can’t become a slut by flying solo, right? It takes two (or three, or four, or five, or fifty…depends on who you’re dealing with) to earn this title. For every female who’s referred to as a hoe, there’s a line of men who made her that way. (There may be a few women sprinkled in the line, too…once again depending on who you’re dealing with)… As I said, I’m all about the equal opp. So ladies, for every man we refer to as a hoe, there’s a line of women (tally marks may be more applicable) who helped him earn that title.
Of course, we all know that a woman is more likely to hold the “hoe” title than a man is. Double standards, yadda yadda yadda. I’m not excusing ho-tivity in any way, shape, or form…I’m just wondering why people can’t see it for what it is? There are men who like to do a lot of women, and there are women who like to do a lot of me. It’s really that simple. Now, our definitions of a “hoe” may slightly vary, but I think we can agree that the question of “how many is too many” does not bring forth the same response for both genders. If a man and a woman are sleeping together, do both parties get a tally mark next to their name on the Hoe Chart? Does the woman get a whole mark while the guy gets a half? I don’t understand the correlation…clearly, there are men out there who are having sex with these ‘hoes’. Or else, they wouldn’t be hoes, right? All I’m saying is, don’t go sheet-hopping with all the hoes then expect there to be mass amounts of virgins left for you to choose from when you finally decide to get married. Why should you get to settle WITH a nice, wholesome lady when she has to settle FOR your ol’ used up, broke down, tramp-ish self? Where’s the fairness in that??? Think about it…
x0x0♥

Beauty is Her Name...♥

If you ask people to define beauty, there will be a few responses that are consistent across the board. People will either:
A) Try to come up with some watered-down, deep definition that they think you want to hear
B) Honestly feel that beauty is some combination of inner and outer attractiveness
C) Give specific examples of some person (probably a famous person) that they see as beautiful.
Not too many people will give you the first thing that honestly comes to mind when they think of beauty.
My personal definition of beauty encompasses a lot more than just what’s aesthetically pleasing, or what makes us feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I haven’t narrowed it down to a compact, tidily-wrapped phrase yet, so I’ll just describe it. Beauty is not neatly and perfectly packaged. It is not the box that one group of people with influence tell us we must squeeze into in order to receive their adoring stares and acknowledgements. Beauty is what makes us stop and think, and feel, and appreciate. We see beauty all day everyday but our world is so busy and ever-moving that we rarely stop to take things in. I see beauty in the way a man/woman looks at their mate. Or their child. I see beauty in the palate of colors that make up the view outside my window. I see beauty in the child-like fascination with all the small things that we as adults no longer have time, or desire, to pay any attention to. I see beauty in the man helping an older lady across the street, as if she were his own grandmother. I hear beauty in piano and violin music, and in the instrumental contents of the music we listen to everyday. I see beauty in the human form, and the subtle things such as the strong profile {side view} of the Black man. I see beauty in diversity, and acceptance, and tolerance of those that society has told us are “different” from us…
Where does your perception of beauty come from? Beauty is defined as something that gives us pleasure, either sensory or mentally. I don’t want to see beauty as one concrete thing that a person tells me it is. If beauty is what pleases you, and we’re all pleased by different things, it makes sense for people to have different perceptions of beauty. We’ve all heard the phrase “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure”. This can be applied to numerous areas of life. Relationships. Art. Food. Morals. How do we recognize the beauty in our external world, though, when we don't even stop to understand the beauty we possess internally? My point is that we all have been so conditioned to accept what media and society tell us is beautiful, that we don’t feel the need to think and look inside ourselves to see what we really perceive as beautiful. Until someone asks us. So I pose the question, what is beauty to you?
x0x0♥

I Like it, but Should I Put a Ring On It? ♥


“Gay people have the right to be just as miserable as everybody else” --Chris Rock.

So I’m watching this Chris Rock comedy set a couple hours ago, and part of his routine talked about gay marriage (of course) and that’s where I got this quote. I thought it was brilliant lol. I mean, really. Half the people who are already married either hate it, are bored, wish they weren’t, or were suckered into it, trapped into it, threatened into it…the list goes on.
During this portion of the routine, he also mentioned the supposed “sanctity” that marriage is expected to hold in our nation, and how this is contradicted by the fact that we as Americans continuously watch and support TV shows such as “The Bachelor”, “The Bachelorette”, and such. You mean to tell me that these shows that clearly make a mockery of the “sacred” union of marriage are all the rave, but a gay couple who’s in real-life love can’t get married??? I’m sorry. I don’t believe you. You need more people.
I’m not clear on the statistics of married couples, gay or straight, in this country. I don’t think I feel like looking them up, either. They’re probably pretty depressing. I do know that the marriage rate is undoubtedly not as high as it was a few decades ago in this country, and as a product of Generation Whatever-People-Call-Us, I can see plainly and clearly that marriage appears to be nothing more than a running joke in today’s society. If everyone makes a joke out of marriage, who’s left to take it seriously? People talk about unhappy marriages in movies, TV shows, music, comedy shows, interviews, etc. It’s all fun and games, but guess what? Half the people who repeatedly see and hear how awful marriage is, or how your life is over once you make those vows, are probably less likely to actually get married at some point in life. The odds that they’ll stay married if they do end up walking down someone’s aisle or courthouse stairs are probably even lower. Drastically lower. Divorce is more common in today’s world than Arab-owned stores in the hood. I’m waiting for a drive-thru Marriage/Divorce/DNA/Check-Cashing place to pop up somewhere. I’d like a number 7 with a side of irreconcilable differences and a 2-dollar money order. Thanks. But seriously, what makes a "good marriage"? Is it the love, the friendship, the compatibility, the respect, the fidelity, aesthetics, the sex, the communication, the trust? A combination of all the above? I don’t know about you, but I’d like to be believable when I stand in front of God and a whole bunch of ugly people I don't even like, and say that I’m gonna love this man and stick by him. I want to say “through sickness and health, ‘til death do us ‘part”, not “through sickness and health, or until I get sick of your ass”. Whether it’s a generation thing, or a societal thing, I don’t think marriage stands for the same thing that it used to. At least, not in general. Now, on a personal level, I’ve always wanted to complete school, work and become stable, THEN get married, THEN have children. That‘s what I want for myself…I’ve stuck to that blueprint thus far. Some people don’t want to ever get married, for whatever reason. I respect that. As I’ve said before, I see marriage as a legal matter, so I believe that anyone should have the right to either choose to incorporate marriage into their lifestyle, or not to. However, I know people who are younger than me who are married with children. Their lives appear to be in shambles every other day. Drama like you wouldn’t believe. I know people who are my age and are more cohesive and stable than married couples. The only thing missing is a marriage license. So if an unmarried couple can be happy, healthy, and enjoy life together, and a married couple can be at each other’s throats day in and day out…one may wonder, what’s the point? What comes with this piece of paper affectionately known as a marriage license? What’s in the fine print? Does it really change anything? Is it just to prove a point? Is it all about marking one's territory? Or is there a deeper meaning of what a marriage license represents? Because judging by today's examples of marriage, I can see why those statistics keep changing so drastically…
x0x0♥

Black Girls Lost...♥


"You can't find a man until you find yourself." --Common.
Why do so many females believe that their happiness begins and ends with a boy/man? Is this a gender thing? A race thing? A society thing? I can only speak on what I've seen.
When I left home and moved here to attend college, I realized a lot of things, among them:
1) Most college boys are even more disgusting than I was warned.
2) Everyone feels like they have something to prove.
3) A lot of girls are sluts.
I began to observe my surroundings more because I was away from home, in a new environment, and out on my own. Everyone seemed to be trying to live up to this persona, but really so many people were concerned with putting up fronts, and watching others’ fronts, that they aren’t even enrolled past their first semester. Girls act the way they act to get guys’ attention, and the guys act like they’re 'too cool' to impress their guy friends, even though they love the female attention…just personas and foolishness that they hopefully grow out of at some point in life. I think people believe they can get away with more on a college campus, because there are so many people (as opposed to a high school environment) that maybe they won’t have to worry about everyone knowing their business. WRONG. In college, everyone knows someone who knows someone who…you get the idea. People have big mouths. The things you see and hear about on college campuses, in dorms, nightclubs, etc. are a little shocking to sheltered kids like myself, but after the shock comes the "what the hell" factor. I was standing on campus waiting for class to start a couple weeks ago and out of nowhere, two guys nearby began talking and laughing about a train they ran on a girl in one of the dorms the night before. Didn’t censor anything…This alleged train included the two guys, another friend, and one of the guys’ brother. WHAT the HELL???
What makes these girls act the way they do? It’s not even necessarily ugly girls who act a fool when they get a little male attention. And promiscuity isn’t the main thing I’m directing this towards, it’s more of a consequence of the bigger problem: females’ need for validation. Half the things these girls wear, do, and say are CLEARLY seeking out validation from their male peers. Why? Are they searching for love and affection? Acknowledgement? Attention? Or is it simply acceptable to conduct yourself like this, just because you're "in college, and this is supposed to be the best time of your life"?
I just feel lucky to be one of the women who realizes a man’s validation does not make or break me. I love it when my boyfriend says sweet things, and compliments me on my beauty (inside and out), but I recognize that whether he voices those things or not, they still exist. I’m still beautiful inside and out, regardless of someone verbally telling me that I am. My beauty was there long before my boyfriend came along, and if ever God feels like removing him from my life, my beauty will still be here. I wish all women could feel this way, because I also know how it felt at the other end of the spectrum, not believing in your own beauty. Luckily, with God and a great family, I learned. I’m a better, confident, self-motivating and self-indulgent person today because of it. I believe that this is instrumental in my friendships, my relationship, and my general interaction with people on a regular basis. My boyfriend respects me, mentally, physically, AND emotionally. My friends (the real ones who’ve outlasted the fake ones that I’ve weeded through) respect me. My family adores me. I don’t know what people have to say about me behind my back. Nor do I care. Honestly. I just know that my attitude and my aura command nothing less than respect. No one has the power to make me feel less than spectacular. My mama taught me better than that. And I’ll teach my children the same.
x0x0♥

CALL ME...♥

When did Social Networking become so prevalent in everyday life and interaction? 
These days, phone calls and visits are being replaced by texts and tweets. When there’s something intimate or important that you need to tell someone, TELL them! All this other stuff is impersonal. The recipient can’t hear the tone of your voice, or see the love/hate/lust/whatever in your eyes. Adding a smiley face at the end may seem to help, but really nothing beats old-fashioned voice-to-voice or face-to-face communication…
I’m sure the original purpose of social networks was to bring people closer, or even to meet new people. It's become so much more complicated, though. Here’s where I think social networking went wrong…
1) Everybody and Their Mama Has One…Literally!
It seems like everyone is a member of SOME social network (i.e., Twitter, Facebook. MySpace, etc) these days. I’m talking old people, young people, employers, professors, pastors, mamas, baby-mamas, pre-teens, toddlers, pets…Enough said.
2) It’s replacing personal communication.
Somewhere along the line, social networking evolved into a primary form of communication, between friends, between relatives, and even between couples. What happened to the days when social networking was used to pass the time during a boring class, or look up old classmates? Nowadays our lives are drowning in a sea of Tweets, texts, IMs, and other forms of technological quickies. People are even communicating sexually through text messages lol…
3) It’s a little TOO open for some of us…
Every day, celebrities are seen in the media because some aspect of their lives has been exposed on Twitter. No one has a private page, especially most celebrities, which is completely beyond the scope of my understanding. I won’t lie, I got swept up in the Twitter craze, but after months of not even using it because of the never-ending “site maintenance”, the stalker-ish vibe, and the otherwise boringness of it all, I deleted my Twitter page. How do you live your life when you’re updating it via Twitter every 5 seconds?
P.S.::I could give two sh*ts about your gynecology appointment at 3:00, or that your baby's poop smelled like dandelions yesterday.
4) Friendships Begin…and End…Online.
It’s occurred to me that social networking has also been influential in a lot of arguments and even failed relationships and friendships. I, personally, have a history of cussing bitches out letting off steam via email, Facebook, and MySpace… I don’t feel bad about it either. Why? Because half the time, someone either said some off the wall ish to me online, or this was a last resort way to contact them and tell them how I felt! That brings up another issue: impersonal communicating via text and the web give some people the balls they never had. People will say what they would/could never say in person. Gossip, criticism, and a lot of true feelings are floating around cyberspace, and the problem is that these “true feelings” aren’t being shared between the people they’re meant to be shared with. Now, they’re being shared with friend lists, cyber stalkers, and anyone else that they may be visible to.
5) Unintentional Cyber-Dating.
Early in my relationship, I had a couple almost-arguments due to Facebook. I won’t go into specifics, but there was no infidelity or anything like that involved. Just realize that 1) It’s not healthy to have to check up on every step your significant other takes, and 2) your significant other probably has friends or acquaintances who are prone to posting idiotic euphemisms on social networks, and you can’t control what they do. This can be a huge problem, especially in the beginning when relationships are still blossoming. If you’ve already shared your entire lives on Twitter and Facebook all day, and your significant other has already checked your page or status updates, what the hell is there to talk about at the end of the day? You’re not getting to know one another, you’re getting to know each other’s cyber self!
Solution: STOP LETTING FACEBOOK/TWITTER/MYSPACE/etc ACTIVITY RUN YOUR RELATIONSHIP!! Once I learned this, I became a lot more carefree and happy, thus making my Honeydip happy.
x0x0♥

We Need a Resolution...♥

I’m taking a History of Jazz course this semester, and my professor is actually a famous jazz musician, Professor Jon Hendricks. It’s so interesting to hear the events of this genre’s history from a first-hand source, rather than simply reading about it from a textbook…I think it's an honor, because it must be hard to attempt giving knowledge to the blissfully ignorant...
I’ve become increasingly disturbed and, quite frankly, disgusted by some of the behaviors of my classmates. I attend a predominantly White university, and the majority of my class is made up of White students. My professor is a Black man who served in the US Army during World War II, at a time when Blacks had never been treated as humans in America. That is, until they arrived overseas. This professor shares his personal memories and experiences with our class, and it makes me so angry that as soon as he begins touching the issue of the racism America carries to this very day, there are students who are so disrespectful that they’ll get up in the middle of Professor Hendricks’ lectures and leave the class. I mean, I thought maybe the first time it happened that there was a coincidence, that maybe they all had to get to another class for an exam or something…it’s college. Who knows. But when it happened again during a documentary on Professor Hendricks that our class was watching, then again today…well, let’s just say that’s a lot of coincidence.
The question the professor was responding to dealt with why so many European countries and cultures have respect and admiration for jazz music, but Americans don’t. Jazz is an American art form…something that southern African-Americans brought to this culture. Yet, because of the hatred and refusal to accept that something this beautiful could come from a bunch of n*ggers, America can’t even appreciate the art of jazz. It’s really sad. This is all my professor tried to explain, and we’ve got ignorant people who can’t even bear to listen to what the real deal is about this country. We’re a nation built on hate and discrimination. It’s part of history. Ignoring it, putting your fingers in your ear and singing “Lalalalalalala” isn’t going to make that fact go away! We’re the only nation that has virtually NO culture, and the little culture we do have gets rejected because the very people who were forcefully brought over here came up with a way to express themselves culturally… We’d rather imitate other cultures and try to assimilate them into our lives, than to acknowledge what was created on our own soil….SMH.
x0x0♥

Pink is the New....Yellow? ♥

I was reading this article about PiNk taxis...and I love it!! They're sooo0000ooooo cute! I'm so intrigued, because I've actually never ridden in a cab before lol...A pink one is right up my alley! This makes me wonder, though, do people in places full of taxis (ie, the Big Apple) actually drive? Is there a point in even owning a car? Economically, what’s more practical: buying a car and paying for gas or paying cab fare? Are there like weekly passes and stuff for cabs or do you really have to come out of the pocket everyday? Are cars emphasized as much as they are here in the Midwest? Does a tricked-out ride really matter in the sea of bright yellow vehicles? Lol…random, I know…I don’t think I’d know what to do with myself if I had to hail taxis and all that every day…definitely would be in a state of shock lol. But on a serious note, these Pink Taxis are actually a company in Mexico, but hey, maybe the idea will spread. Their purpose is to provide 1) employment for women, with a female-only driving staff and 2) rides for women who are fed up with flirty, creepy male taxi drivers… I think it’s great. More power to them!
x0x0♥

Bitches & Sisters (continued)♥

Artists quickly defend criticism of hip-hop, stating that it’s strictly for entertainment, and I agree. When people discovered they could make money off of hip-hop, the commercialization changed a lot of aspects for the worst. Few “artists” really make music for the sake of expressing emotion and thoughts anymore. Even aspiring rappers interviewed in Byron Hurt’s documentary pointed out that the reason so few artists make what we call 'conscious hip-hop' music is because no one buys it. Of course, there are people who purchase the works of Common, Talib Kweli, and the like...but commercially promoted artists sell much more. All this speaks to the financial security that the Black man has been stripped of since arriving in America, and has been fighting to regain ever since.
The almighty dollar is the bait, and it’s being taken hook, line, and sinker due to the “by any means necessary” mentality that is running rampant in the industry. The crazy part is that you can’t even place blame for this phenomenon. Yes, artists make the music. Yes, higher-up businesspeople run the financial and commercial aspects. Yes, we as consumers purchase the music. No one particular group is to blame…and the problem is that everyone wants someone to blame.
For awhile now, White people have pointed the finger at hip-hop for some of the negative aspects of today’s world. As if violence, drugs, and misogyny only exist within the walls of hip-hop. What’s funny is that today, their (White) children are the main ones purchasing hip-hop music. The same music that Mommy and Daddy are criticizing is blasting through their children’s earbuds everyday…tsk tsk…
x0x0...because despite all the B.S., I Still Lover H.E.R.♥

Bitches & Sisters♥

I attended a conference at my university a couple weeks ago, which covered subjects such as prostitution, human trafficking, abuse, and the like. During one session, we watched Byron Hurt's documentary Hip-Hop: Beyond Beats and Rhymes. I'd seen the documentary a few semesters ago, in my African-American Culture course. The film was just as good the second time around...
A scene that really stands out to me captures Byron's interview with spring breakers walking on the streets of Daytona. He asked guys how they felt about hip-hop lyrics referring to females as bitches and hoes, and he asked women how they felt about being referred to as bitches and hoes. One woman's reply ran somewhere along the lines of "I know they're not talking to me personally, so it doesn't matter." This is a view that many of us share, living in this desensitized world that we live in. After awhile, it becomes hard to ignore the level of misogyny that appears in today’s hip-hop music.
I, personally, do not feel targeted by hip-hop lyrics. As a woman, I understand the argument that when rappers refer to women as bitches and hoes, this is applying a blanket term to us, our mamas, daughters, sisters, cousins, neices, etc. I don’t agree with the misogyny, but I do recognize that for some reason this is what consumers of hip-hop music collectively pay money for, and at the end of the day these artists will do what they need to do and say what they need to say to get paid. Masculinity in our society is defined by how much money a man makes, how aggressive he is, and how many hoes he can get. Why should hip-hop reflect any thing different? Not defending this, just recognizing it for what it is. I believe Jeff Johnson said it best: "Don't blame hip-hop for society's sexism"...
My opinion: we can’t complain and be taken seriously unless we’re serious about it. We hear misogynistic music everyday. What do we do? We nod our heads to it in the car, or shake our asses to it at the club. We download it. We buy it. We burn it. We CONSUME it. If the misogyny hurts your feelings that bad, its on YOU to stop buying it, listening to it, watching it, reading it, and consuming it. It can be done. There are plenty of other options to listen to, watch on TV, and read. Until we can take a steady stand and say NO to misogyny, I think this is one aspect of the hip-hop culture that we’ll just have to deal with. I don’t foresee it going anywhere any time soon, especially if that’s what brings the money in…
x0x0♥

How YOU Doin'? ♥

If I could be at home during the 4-5pm block everyday, life would be almost perfect.
Tyra, then Wendy? Girrrrrl....(or boyyyyy, depending on who's reading this) lol. ♥
I absolutely love the Wendy Williams show, and I've read about people criticizing the type of celebrities that appear on her show...smh.
I'll honestly say, I like the fact that she does something different on her show. I can also appreciate her imfamous "no-holds-barred" attitude as far as interviews. I don't think it's as bad as people try to make it! I mean, if I were a celebrity, I'd rather go on a talk show and tell/defend my own business rather than letting tabloids ramble and make things up about me! I didn't hear the Wendy Williams experience too many times, but it's pretty common knowledge that she burned a few bridges back during her days as a radio personality...but she's here now, there's a whole new roster of celebrities out there now, and I love that her show isn't just another tabloid.
There are enough TV shows, tabloids, and paparazzi websites talking about the same 5 people day in and day out. At least Wendy has guests who are up and coming, or on shows and movies that actually require legitimate acting experience! Half the "A-list" celebrities that are in demand right now aren't famous for doing a damn thing beside showing their cookies and being rich! Reality TV has taken over and, although I'll admit that it's my guilty pleasure, I feel pretty bored with these people. The media has given some people WAY more than the 15 minutes of fame they should have received. When I see the Kardashians, Hiltons, and all these random reality-TV White girls who all look the same to me...I just turn the channel/page. Kudos to Wendy, because whether she's booking people she likes, or people she can get when no one else wants to do her show...I love it {Wendy voice}!
x0x0♥

I Still Love H.E.R...♥

I've realized that I have a love/hate relationship with Hip-Hop music.
Hip-hop is like that uncle we all have, who we KNOW is a hot mess, yet we still love him dearly, despite all the foolishness that comes out of his mouth sometimes lol... The evolution of hip-hop music has spawned something that people either love, hate, or are indifferent to. The things I like aren’t always so appealing to my younger brother and his cohorts. So really, our perception of hip-hop music varies according not only to our own tastes, but to our era as well. I was born in '88...I consider myself an '80s baby and a '90s girl....and many consider this exact time period to be the 'Golden Age' of hip-hop. It's no wonder that this era holds a special place in my heart! Maybe this is the same way that today's kids (the 90's babies) feel about current hip-hop music? Food for thought... Hip-hop was born as our people came out of the Civil Rights era and began to find a voice in this world. That voice was filled with questions, political thought, and sometimes anger at the way we had been treated in this nation. There was substance and emotion in the art form that came to be known as hip-hop. With commercialization, we've seen this art form evolve according to the values that we as Americans have come to idolize. As our world became more violent, materialistic and misogynistic, so did our music. A couple decades ago, it was all about the violence, when gangsta rap emerged. These days, it’s all about the money, cars, clothes, and hoes... Again, it’s all a matter of perception, but I like to think that although this new sub-genre (whatever it’s called) of hip-hop isn’t too appealing to me, I can try to see things from a glass half full perspective. I won’t let my love for what I see as Real hip-hop be hindered by the emergence of what I see as whack rhymes over beats. Everyone is entitled to their own expression, and to each his own. My aversion to some artistry does not change my love for others.
x0x0♥

If Loooving You is Wrong....♥

It honestly doesn't surprise me that in 2009 a judge would have the audacity to deny a couple  their marriage license all because they are of different racial backgrounds. I don't know what's a bigger shame, the fact that these things are still happening, or the fact that it's not surprising.
What disgusts me even more is the reasoning for the judge's supposed choice not to marry these couples (yes, there have been more than one. We're just now hearing about it!). He claims that he's not a racist, yet he "doesn't believe in mixing the races 'that way'", and that he's doing it for the sake of any children the couple may have..... can I get a collective, loud-ass "WTF"? Really? To me, this is about as racist as this situation could get without burning crosses and the inevitable N-bomb. SmH...I can't even take it.
Interracial couples do not bother me. I won't lie, I've caught myself doing a double take on occasion, but after that glance is over, I continue with the rest of my life. My air isn't contaminated. The world doesn't stop spinning...I don't understand the fascination with people trying to run others' lives...How is an interracial couple harming you? Are you going to start melting or hyperventilating if they reproduce? I mean, honestly, I think that people give this matter way more attention than it needs. If you're still ignant (yes, I said ignant. Not ignorant.) enough to be that disturbed by interracial dating in America (the home of people mixed with every damn thing) in the year 2009....I can't help you. When a Black man dates outside the race, the outcry of neck-popping, eye-rolling, sistah-isms are in full effect. That's another one of 'our' men that 'they've' taken. My issue is, half of you probably wouldn't want that man if he did approach you! You'd throw more shade than a little bit! So what are you mad for? I think that we need to let it GO. Just move on. You getting angry and popping that neck is only going to perpetuate the very stereotype that a lot of Black men are trying to get away from when they date women of other races! If a person finds love, no matter what package it's wrapped in, I'm happy for them. The world needs more love and ish.
I think our loyalty to the Black man is stronger than we'd like admit. Some Black women who have dated White men say that these men treat them like some exotic trophy, and cherish them the way they wish Black men would. Even after finding happiness with a man of another race, some women still hold on to that desire for a good Black man to come sweep them off their feet...
For those who are actually looking to stay within our race, it's hard to find happiness because we don't understand each other. We go into relationships with misconceptions of one another, baggage from past relationships, and stereotypical biases that may very well have been reinforced during our romantic lives thus far. You can't trust what you don't understand, and you can't love unconditionally without some level of trust. There's a big disconnect, and until we find it, Black love is going to go further and further down the drain. We need to learn to just talk to one another. Get to know each other, and stop putting up fronts according to what we think the other will like. Why do you think so many people say (upon breaking up) that "everything started off cool and then..."? You don't really know that person until a few encounters after the first date. That's when the REAL ish shows up lol...
x0x0♥

Dirty House? Clean It Up! ♥

So I'm making my way through cyberspace, and I come across this blog on Essence magazine's website, devoted to Single Mothers. I'm not a mother yet, but the blog tickled my fancy. One of the entries discussed the issue of men not bothering to see their children once the relationship with the child's mother has ceased...and it wasn't so much the blog topic that interested me. It was more the subsequent comments made by the readers of the blog. There was a mixture of women. Some were married and some single, some with children and some without. I noticed, though, that there was a lot of cattiness going back and forth, especially after particular readers began to go against the grain and point out that maybe single mothers are responsible for their situation, as they chose to procreate with men who they knew, for lack of a better term "weren't shit" when they laid down with them.
This gave me a couple different reactions, actually. First off, are we as women really so judgmental towards each other, that we jump to conclusions as soon as we hear about what we think is "just another baby mama"? I know there are women out there who epitomize the "baby mama" stereotype, but what about mitigating circumstances? There are women out there who did all the "right" things (had a relationship, got married, had babies) and STILL ended up as widows or divorcees. There are women who adopt children even though they're unmarried. There are women who opt for artificial insemination, because they're involved with a woman romantically. So why do we, as sistahs, let our minds immediately go to the image of child-support-collecting, club/bar-hopping, welfare-line standing females the minute we hear about someone being a Single Mother?
On the other hand, as soon as the single mothers of the blog audience read these opposing comments, they rose to the occasion. They were having none of that judgmental, lecturing, finger-pointing ish. Rightfully so, because there's a way for everything to be said. The comments that came across as judgmental actually held some merit. Not generalizing, by any means, but there are many women in the world who DO end up having children with men they KNOW aren't even mature enough, available enough, or even care enough to raise a child. Hell, some of these men can barely wipe their hind parts right, and probably shouldn't even be in a relationship with the woman, let alone putting buns into her oven...but she lets him.
We as women need to take responsibility for our actions, but we also need to start holding men accountable for theirs. Call it intuition, premonition, or whatever you want, but more often than not, we see women ending up taking on the role as a single mom, when she knew (whether beforehand, or in retrospect) that the man who impregnated her wasn't father or husband material. Some innate part of us knows this, at some point in the relationship (or lack thereof). We could male-bash all day, but if we really look inside our souls and minds, we'd realize that we as Black women are so much smarter than we give ourselves credit for. And guess what? Many of us have our own single moms to thank for that! We can usually spot BS a mile away, but what makes us turn a blind eye?? Is it love? Is it lust? Is it stupidity? Is it our desire to be loved? The roots of this discussion are soooooo deep....
One thing I’ve noticed is that Black women may throw shade at our male counterparts, but we’re actually very protective of them. It’s our instinct to want to help and nurture them. Although some of them hurt women to their core, the Black Woman still has so much love for the Black Man that she forgives him, and buries the hurt into her subconscious and struggles to move on and give him a pass. I love that we have so much love for our men, but we need not love them at the expense of loving ourselves. Part of loving someone is being able to acknowledge their flaws and mistakes. Not dwell on them, but acknowledge them. Sweeping everything under the rug doesn’t make your house clean...
x0x0♥

I Wanna Know...{Remember that song by Joe?} ♥


1. As a Jay-Z fan to thee fullest, how could I not realize that I'm completely in LoVe with his Rhapsody commercial?
2. Is being married ever going to become part of the criteria to be on a 'Real Housewives' series?
3. Do the true Alicia Keys fans still adore her, despite her current homewrecker status?
4. Don't you love how Oprah looked her current age 25 years ago, and looks younger now?
5. How stereotypically BLACK is BET's game show "Pay it Off"?
6. Would you still buy R. Kelly's music?
7. Don't you wish Trina would just....stop?
8. Where did Amber Rose come from? And when is she going back?
9. Does anyone else feel like Mo'Nique is screaming at you through the tube every night?
10. Is there a tattoo-less spot left on Dwayne Carter's body?
11. Aren't the women in Keyshia Cole's family like super-fertile?
12. How much money is going to be made off Michael Jackson costumes this Halloween?
13. What's in YOUR wallet?
14. Where are Destiny's other Children?
15. Can you stand the rain?
16. Where is Brooke Valentine?
17. Are you feeling the new Whitney Houston?
18. Why won't Amerie's career take off?
19. Would you torture yourself with another season of "I Want to Work for Diddy"?
20. Since EVERYONE goes on reality dating shows for exposure, why don't they just cut out the middle men/women and make a show about skanky hoes women trying to break into the industry
x0x0♥

Couldn't Afford a Car, So She Named Her Daughter...What???

Question: What's in a name?

Answer: PLENTY!

I wonder how many employers have seen names that just make them get a whiff of hot sauce, or that prompt the "Love that chicken from Popeye's" jingle to play in their heads? Now, make no mistake, I'm all for choosing names with meaning, or sentimental value, or passing family names on to future generations...but when your child's name has more prefixes than an elementary schoolteacher's lesson plan, there's a problem. It should not take Baby Lataquandanishiyanna all the way until junior high school to perfect the art of spelling her FIRST name. It seems like some people are competing to see who can add the most letters in their babies' names! The "Oh, that letter is silent" excuse is only plausible at a rate of once-per-name. If that. What's the point of silent ass letters any damn way? If they're silent, they might as well be invisible too! But, I digress...Do people honestly not think about their children's futures when they're going through the name-choosing process? I mean we name our babies after liquor, cars, name brands...when does it end? Talk about buying into stereotypes. We've got Keisha from 'round the way walking down the block pushing her twins, Tequila and Toyota in the stroller! Oh, don't worry. Their cousins Denali and Hennessey are close by, carrying the diaper bags. What sounds so cute and looks pretty in your cursive writing may not be so cute in about 25 years, when Baby LaLa (of course, that would be Lataquandanishiyanna's nickname, lest it take everyone 10 minutes and a couple ibuprofen to say her full name) is all grown up and beginning her career search. Of course, this is all assuming that her applications make it into the "Maybe" pile on Bill Whoeverschmidt's desk. Let's face it, no employer would ever admit this, but they DO get some type of categorization in their mind of who you are, based on your name. It's not right, it's not fair, it's stereotypical at best and racist at worst....but it's true. You think Emily Van Buren's application is going to get the same sideways glance that Shawntavieteria Jenkin's gets in the Human Resources Office? All I'm saying is, stop naming these babies after things that will begin haunting them as soon as the ink dries on the birth certificate. In case you're confused, this includes but is not limited to the following: vehicles, odd combinations of you and your baby mama/daddy's name, beverages (alcoholic or otherwise. Tropicana is NOT acceptable), the baby's first noise when he/she slid out of the womb, etc. Just don't do it....Now, granted, we're living in an age where people are naming their kids Apple (and trust, it gets much worse)...but these kids have rich ass parents, trust funds, and enough money to never have to touch a job application. What about lil' Corolla an' nem? SMH...
x0x0♥

Letter to Mariah♥

Dear MiMi:
PLEASE go sit down, enjoy your marriage, and let corny-ass Nick Cannon knock you up with some corny babies. Every album you make sounds the same, and makes me SMH even harder than it's predecessor. He just sucks at life...I wish you all the best, but your time was up a LONG time ago. The Emancipation of MiMi was pushing it. However, you left us some great hits, and it was fun while it lasted... Everything has its season. You've had yours. Give it a rest. Once again, on behalf of the greater good, I ask you to sit down. Thanks.
x0x0♥

The Power of Pink♥♥

We're over half way through the month of October, and for those of you who don't know, October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month... Research is still being done to find a cure for all this cancer going around, and you can be a part of the race for a cure. Save the Ta-Tas is just one organization devoted to contributing to breast cancer research. The store I work at, ToRRid promotes Save the TaTas and all month long we offer a 10% discount off your total purchase when you donate at least $1.00 to the National Breast Cancer Foundation. The Save the TaTas brand offers very cute clothing and accessories!
I lost my mother in February 2008 to colon cancer, so I can tell you from experience that these diseases can creep up and you won't even know what hit you! Stay informed. Get mammograms regularly. Numerous websites offer information on self breast exams that you can do on your own in the shower. Take care of yourselves, ladies, and spread the word to your family, your church members, your girls, your co-workers, and your classmates.
Cancer knows no race, no class, no color, no size, no shape, or no age.
x0x0♥

Where is The Love? ♥

So, being that I'm from Ohio, I guess I'm supposed to be celebrating this *cough*fake holiday known as Sweetest Day today... LoL. Yes, we do that in Ohio. We make up holidays. Moving on...We live in a society where marriages are becoming few, lasting marriages are even fewer, and divorce is ever-looming. For many, divorce is one of the many reasons we won't even get married. Gone are the days when people got married to their high school sweethearts and lived happily ever after (or did those days ever exist at all?)... Now, we're living in the generation of 20-year long engagements, waiting for proposals, shacking up (as the old folks call it), and for many, just being single parents. There's an alarming number of broken homes in the Black community, and the subject is a tough one to tackle in discussion...This is the reason I love Hill Harper's book "The Conversation". I usually go to the library for my just-for-fun reading, but I had to cop this one.
For those of you who aren't familiar, The Conversation delves into the disconnect between Black men and women, and why relationships don't last the way they did in generations of the past. It's a really amazing read. I recommend it to people ALL the time (lol) because it's just a great book. Whether you're in a relationship, married, single and looking, single and fed up, or just lost in the sauce...The Conversation is a great read. That being said....Where is the Love? Our people come from strong family roots, but as we all know, we were uprooted from our Motherland and brought onto foreign soil, where we had to find our way. Fast forward to welfare being introduced to our country. Men would leave their families because if there was a grown man living in your home, it was seen as his responsibility to take care of you, and financial help (welfare) would not be given to your family. So now we have men absent and women left raising children. We've got mothers telling their little girls "you need to be independent, you don't need a man to take care of you". Little boys have no idea how a man should treat a woman, because they have no concrete example in their homes. Fast forward again to the little boys and girls growing up. The girl-turned-woman goes into every romantic relationship with an "I don't need you" attitude, and men have this instinct to be the provider. To do what their father didn't do. They don't know how to respond to not being needed, so some just leave. It's all a big mess...but these issues are becoming too embedded and taboo. They need to be discussed! We can't keep sweeping our history under the rug and thinking that it doesn't effect who we are today. It does, whether we realize it or not.
Somewhere along the line, the male's physical absence apparently produced an emotional disconnect as well, because our generation doesn't have the same characteristics and statistics as the last one. Many of our grandparents are still married, and had a bunch of kids, so we've got aunts and uncles galore, and our grandparents are the matriarchs and patriarchs of the family...but who will our children and their generations have? With the state of our economy, everyone is focusing on making money, keeping money, and being able to take care of our loved ones financially, but what about emotionally? What about passing on those values that our parents learned from their parents, and so on? Back when our people had NOTHING, we had each other. Where did it all go wrong? Everyone is out for self now, and getting back to a state of unity and love isn't on anyone's to-do list...
x0x0♥

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